There's no real practical reason to ask "who wants to be a millionaire?" because the only people who won't put their hand up are religious types who've taken vows of poverty and those who are already multi-millionaires. Unfortunately, there's a big gulf between those who want it and those who do the things to make it happen. Based on recent statistics on UK household income, millionaire-dom is not something that's going to happen for most people, even with the dubious benefits of inflation. An adult earning the median level of income (£26,200 a year in 2011) and saving an impressive 20% of that would need almost 200 years to save £1 million (excluding taxes and investment gains). It's pretty clear, then, that a would-be millionaire has to think outside the boundaries of "median" experience.Start a businessThere are certainly people who can become millionaires by working for other people, but this is not an especially good route to choose. The trouble with trying to become a millionaire by working for other people is that there are always other people siphoning off the value of whatever you produce. Say you're a hotshot salesman – although you're going to get your cut, a lot of the value you create is going to get split among a broader pool of workers, managers and the owner(s) of the business.Start your own business, though, and you get to decide how to divide that pie. Better still, your ownership stake can become more and more valuable over time as that business becomes larger and larger. While a good employee may get raises and promotions as his or her employer grows, they'll never see the same benefits (including the appreciation in the value of the ownership interest) as the owners.Use other people's moneyOne of the remarkably consistent features of stories about people who go from relatively no wealth to major wealth is the role of other people's money in making it happen. Sometimes it's start-up capital from a generous relative, or maybe it's a small business loan or venture capital.Borrowed money can be a major force multiplier. Behind virtually every property empire is borrowed money and the use of leverage in investing (whether through buying stocks on margin, buying options or buying futures) can rapidly magnify a skilful investor's success. Of course, this cuts both ways – just as borrowed money can create a large business (or portfolio) quickly, just one mistake in an over-leveraged enterprise can bring the whole thing crashing down.It comes down, then, to risk tolerance. Those who really want to build large wealth (and do so quickly) through business or investment will have to do so in part with other people's money.Cultivate a valued skillWages respond to supply and demand just like everything else, so it is very important to cultivate a skill that is not only in demand, but scarce enough to be valuable. Architecture and law, for instance, are both specialised skills, but not necessarily rare enough to make their practitioners wealthy unless they are at the high end of their profession.Sports is an obvious example, but most people know in their teens whether they have the rare physical gifts (and perhaps the even rarer mental discipline and dedication) to open the doors to a professional sports career, and it's not really a door that can be opened in college or later. Medicine and engineering, though, are both open to college-aged people who have the requisite abilities and the willingness to put in the effort. The services of these professionals are not only almost always in demand, but the supply is small enough that professionals here can fairly expect to becomemillionaires on the basis of their labours.This is also true for unconventional skills as well. Pursuing a career as a writer, actor or professional gambler is a virtual guarantee of poverty for most people. For those who actually have the skills necessary to succeed, though, it can be their best chance of building real wealth. Out-think or out-hustleLazy and self-made millionaire just don't go together. Going back to that supply-demand equation, anything that's relatively easy, convenient and accessible is going to have ample supply and relatively low payouts. Since most people don't actually want to work that hard, though, there are real wealth-creation opportunities out there for those willing to think and/or work just a little harder than average.One option for building exceptional wealth is to out-think the majority of people out there. While pursuits like writing, investing and inventing all involve a tremendous amount of effort and dedication, there is at least some aspect of out-thinking to them all. Steve Jobs of Apple, Richard Branson of Virgin and Lord Alan Sugar all clearly worked hard to achieve success, but a lot of that success was predicated on seeing things that others didn't see and figuring out how to do them even better.Out-hustling is an undervalued aspect of wealth creation. Success in business is often about the hustle – the willingness to make one more call or work an extra hour later. The field of "hustle" is wide, rich and fertile. You can make good money visiting auctions and reselling undervalued items, just as you can make good money from a variety of multi-level marketing programs. The question is whether you want to spend the hours it takes to drive the process forward.Rental property is a good example. It is actually not all that difficult to find rental properties, buy them and rent them out. Do this well and it's fairly easy to earn an annual return of 8-15%. The problem is that there are a myriad of small annoyances that go with it – hassles in haggling over the purchase price, hassles in getting mortgages, hassles in getting tenants, hassles in dealing with tenants and so on. Some people just don't want to be bothered with this, but those who don't mind the annoyances can reap the rewards.The bottom lineHaving £1 million or more in net worth is still uncommon enough to be special and significant, and it doesn't often come as a by-product of luck or chance. Hard work is a virtual requisite, but so too is a willingness to take on some risk (such as starting a business or using leverage) or cultivate a rare gift (like writing or inventing). Although simple living and sound investing will help anyone build more wealth, a special level of success requires a special person who is willing to do more and risk more than most people.
We all have our “perfect date attribute” wish lists. Some are short and succinct; some could fill a book (so much for realistic expectations, right?). But the truth is that all of us can name a few traits that are essential for our next romantic partner — whether we admit them or not!
According to many common cultural stereotypes, men put more value on a partner’s physical appearance and passion, while women put financial stability and faithful commitment at the top of their romantic checklists. While there’s usually a grain of truth in those beliefs, the reality probably lies somewhere in the middle — i.e., with men and women valuing similar features in their partners, but perhaps they’re prioritizing (and, in some cases, defining) them differently. Out of all the possibilities, what’s the most important trait that men absolutely, positively must have in a new relationship? I spoke with several single guys to find out. In their own words, hear how they — sometimes after years of dating and self-exploration — discovered the one thing that they care about the most in matters of the heart.
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“She needs to be attractive” Washingtonian Tim, 36, is quite blunt about what he’s looking for: “She needs to be attractive. For most guys, I bet it’s the same. At first glance, I definitely notice a woman’s looks. That’s the initial spark… and after we’ve been together awhile — even when the initial spark wears off and we’re used to each other — I still like it when she makes an effort for me.” True, this supports the stereotype of men primarily being drawn to a woman’s good looks, but the new twist lies in how that might play out over a longer-term relationship. Tim himself said that good looks are tied to making an effort for your partner; in other words, it’s not necessarily about resembling a supermodel or looking exactly as you did the night you met but the effort itself that counts. A study published in a recent issue of the Journal of Family Psychology supports this idea of how looks continue to matter beyond that initial attraction stage, though in a different way. The same study suggests that the physical attractiveness of men isn’t as paramount to women, who zero in on a guy’s ability to offer support and stability, especially in a partner. “I want to be loved for who I am, not what I can provide” Marylander Sam, 34, says: “I want a woman who wants me, not one who needs me. I want her to love me for me. I can tell [when] a woman is just interested in the externals, which in my book are the equivalent of being in love for money, appearances, or out of desperation. I’ve dated women who were more into those three [things] than into [who I am as a person]. I don’t want to be looked at like I’m a bank, a daddy on demand, or a means to an end of any kind.” The takeaway lesson here is that men are looking for an authentic connection and really notice its absence. “I’d rather have a real woman who is into me than some idealized version… who wants me to be Ken to her Barbie,” explains Sam. “For me, physical affection is essential” Sometimes there’s a misperception that men just want to jump into bed. While it’s definitely important (an understatement, perhaps?), men also want to share everyday simple, physical connections — a hug, a touch, a kiss — with their partners. “My friends couldn’t understand when I broke up with my last girlfriend, who I dated for a year before realizing that this was not it,” says Bostonian Anthony, 31. “She was hot, smart and had a lot of good qualities, but I really ended up craving affection. After an initial couple of months that were very touchy-feely, she became a little cold. It was all about my missing feeling the physical connection in regular, daily ways.” Warmth and touch really count in forming romantic bonds. “She has to get my jokes and sense of humor” Dare I say that humor is an oft-unrecognized but key element of male-centric flirting? That may be a new way of expressing it, but it does exist. “I really like to laugh and have fun,” says Washingtonian Mike, 28. “Life is heavy enough. I work really hard. At the end of the day, yes, I want her to be sexy and for us to have things in common, but I want to laugh, too. It’s been hard to find a woman who laughs with me as much as I want. I’ve dated women who just didn’t get my sense of humor and the relationships always fizzled. I cite that as a big reason.” Laughter stokes a man’s ego when he’s trying to entertain, makes him feel understood, and puts him at ease in a way that few other expressions do, because it makes a man feel powerful. What’s a bigger turn-on than that for any man? “My next girlfriend has got to be straightforward and patient” “If you’d asked me this question 10 years ago, I would have responded with ‘good-looking’ or maybe ‘passionate’ for my answer,” says Floridian Peter, 39. “But after a string of failed relationships, I know better what really matters now. When I’m dating a woman, I care about physical attraction and excitement, but in the back of my mind, I’m definitely seeing how she responds to challenges. Does she wig out over small things? Do I constantly have to calm her down or reassure her when things don’t go her way? Does she approach our differences straightforwardly by telling me how she feels in a fairly rational way, or is she a passive-aggressive pouter? I don’t care how beautiful she is; if a woman frustrates me, acts out irrationally or makes me feel like I need to be a mind-reader, I’m outta there. My next girlfriend has got to be chilled out and patient.” Any guy who’s been out there dating for a while (and maybe had a few bad breakups along the way) is going to have his own set of red flags. And, like Peter, many men want a woman who won’t play minds games with them in relationships. For the other side of the story, readShe said: “My relationship has to have ____”. Dave Singleton, an award-winning writer and columnist for Match.com since 2003, is the author of two books on dating and relationships. Send your dating questions and comments to him atdavesingleton.writer@gmail.com.
“When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore!” sang Dean Martin. We all know the delicious feeling of new love, but what about the flip side? Love doesn’t always last, and its retreat can leave us bewildered, confused or downright depressed. Even if you were raised on a plentiful diet of fairy tales, you know that “till death do us part” can be a rare thing. Even staying with someone forever is no guarantee of experiencing lasting love. But why do people really fall out of love? Is there anything we can do to make love stay? Do some of us give up too easily? To understand the phenomenon of love’s end, we asked the experts’ opinions on the subject. Here are the top three reasons they shared with us: 1. A distancing “Wave” can topple a good thing if you let it. Ken Page, psychotherapist and author of the Finding Love blog for Psychology Today and founder of the Deeper Dating website, has identified a phenomenon that can destroy new love: “The ‘Wave’ occurs when we unconsciously push a caring and available person away by inwardly diminishing his or her worth.” Think about how Carrie Bradshaw behaved when she first started dating Aidan Shaw: Aidan was “too available” and Carrie freaked because she wasn’t used to being with someone so open.
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“When someone is available and decent,” Page explains, “something inside us knows [this person] can get to our nest, our soul — the place where we care the most and can be hurt the most. And our unconscious gets panicked.” If you find yourself breaking up with someone awesome for no good reason, check yourself; you might be acting out of fear. After all, real love is a big deal. It involves a leap of faith, and that can be a scary thing. Those who give in to the Wave fall out of love before they even give themselves a chance to fall properly in love, and that’s kind of sad. 2. Unwillingness to discuss relationship problems. OK, let’s say you’ve taken that leap and you’re in a long-term, committed relationship. Good for you! Now, don’t forget to communicate with your partner regularly. Guy Winch, Ph.D., author of The Squeaky Wheel: Complaining the Right Way to Get Results, Improve Your Relationships and Enhance Self-Esteem, says that people fall out of love because they don’t talk through their relationship peeves with each other: “Research shows that couples who are able to voice complaints well and discuss them productively have greater marital satisfaction and much lower divorce rates than couples who are unable to do so.” If you’re in a newer relationship, iron out the kinks early on to keep love alive over the long haul. “It is much easier to address issues earlier in a relationship than later, just as it is much harder to mold cement once it has dried and hardened,” explains Winch. The key word here, however, is “productively.” It usually doesn’t help to fight and blame your partner for all of the relationship’s problems. Dr. Fran Praver, author of The New Science of Love: How Understanding Your Brain’s Wiring Can Help Rekindle Your Relationship, says that “when couples play the blame game, they wage a war of being right where both parties lose. It may seem like a strong personality to insist on being right, but in fact ‘rightness’ is born out of rigidity and weakness, not strength.” Couples fall out of love when they can’t find a way to make the partnership good for both people involved. Creativity and open minds are the stuff of lasting love; silence and blaming, though? Not so much. 3. People change or get bored with each other. April Masini, the relationship expert behind AskApril.com and author of Romantic Date Ideas, says: “Over time, people can change — or more often, they become who they really are. Someone who loved his steady business career may suddenly realize he always wanted to be a stand-up comedian and throw caution to the wind to chase his dreams.” People evolve; circumstances change — and sometimes, relationships can’t be sustained as a result. But if you really know your partner down to the core, the changes won’t be as shocking. “The kind of change that leads to love lost is always about a buried desire to be someone that’s repressed inside,” continues Masini. “It’s important to really know your partner to avoid this lost-love syndrome.” In other words, don’t neglect someone you care about. You cannot get to know a person thoroughly right away — rather, it’s a lifelong journey. There’s a whole universe inside the person you fell for, and if you don’t check in with that individual on a regular basis, you could wake up one day hearing this: “I’m unhappy. I’m moving to another country to start my life over fresh, and you’re not invited.” If you find yourself perusing faraway rental homes and thinking, “He’s changed!” or “I’m just so bored with her,” think about holding on and digging a little deeper first. “At a certain point in a relationship, according to Imago Couples Therapy,” says Page, “each partner feels that the thing they most need from their partner is the very thing that their partner can’t give. At that point, many people feel that the relationship has run its course and they leave. The reality, however, is much different. This can be the beginning phase of an entirely new level of intimacy, if they each decide to learn to grow and try to give that partner what [he or she needs most].” Then again, love doesn’t necessarily have to last decades (or a lifetime) to matter. Romantic relationships can also evolve into dear friendships — and that’s perfectly fine. Dr. Lissa Coffey, author of the book, Closure and the Law of Relationship: Endings as New Beginnings, agrees. “We may come together for a certain period of time to help each other learn and grow, and when that has been accomplished, we’ve gotten everything we were meant to get out of the relationship. Then it changes,” Coffey explains. “It doesn’t have to end; it’s just redefined.” Laura Schaefer is the author ofThe Secret IngredientandPlanet Explorers Chicago.
